Why Would He Do It?

A few days ago a friend asked what it was that had finally compelled me to go all-in for God, and I had the privilege of sharing with her my moment of true conversion. I’d attended church since childhood, I’d learned all the well-known Bible stories, I’d prayed every night before bed, yet there had always been something missing. Because of this missing piece I had never understood my true worth. As a teenager I’d begun seeking validation from other people, and cycling through bouts of deep depression whenever I would feel unneeded or unappreciated. I blamed myself for not being good enough and was always comparing myself with others, thinking if I could just be more like her or him, or have more of this trait or that trait, then maybe I would be valued. My insecurity and the anxiety it caused felt almost crippling at times. I believed in God, and believed intellectually in what Jesus had done, but I was in bondage. It wasn’t until a youth retreat in my second year of university that I finally received the piece I’d been missing—the “why.”

 

February 15, 2014

There was complete silence as the short film ended, and I doubt there was a dry eye in the room. The film is called Most, and aims to present the weight of God’s sacrificial love, if only through the dimly relatable lens of human experience. It follows a man who operates a bridge, responsible for raising it when boats need to pass through, and lowering it as trains approach. He appears to have no wife and only one young son, who one day begs his daddy to let him follow him to work and help him operate the bridge. As the father goes up to the operating tower, he leaves his son fishing by the edge of the river, where he can keep an eye on him from the tower window. He tells him to wait there until he will call him up in half an hour, so they can pull the lever together to lower the bridge for the scheduled train. He then goes up and lifts the bridge for a boat passing by. We’re shown snapshots of the ordinary, relatable lives of the many people on-board the approaching train, and we watch as the unconcerned conductor fails to stop at the flashing red light signalling that the bridge is up. The boy looks up as he hears the train whistle in the distance, and begins shouting to his father that the train is coming early. The father has stepped away from the window, and the boy becomes frantic as he watches the train approach, realizing the fate of those on board. The boy runs towards the bridge and tries to reach down into a compartment where another lever is available to pull, and the father, now hearing the train whistle, runs to the window to watch in horror as his son falls down into the compartment. The father shouts in agony as he realizes that pulling the lever now will mean crushing his son beneath the bridge, while refusing to pull it will result in the deaths of everyone on-board the train. His internal struggle is absolutely heart-wrenching to see, but he only has seconds to make the decision, and finally forces himself to pull the lever. As the train crosses the bridge safely, we see the faces of those on board. They continue with their conversations, cigarettes, and card games, completely oblivious to what has taken place, while the father collapses under the pain of sacrificing the most precious thing in his life to save theirs.

The story completely broke my heart, but not because I thought it was an accurate illustration… I realized that as painful as it was to watch, it in fact didn’t even come close to what God had actually done for us—for me. This film, though touching, depicts an accident, and a father’s sacrificial love in a heat-of-the-moment decision. But God’s love is so much deeper that it’s hard for us to even fathom. He made the decision before He even created us that should human beings fall into sin, He would give up the being He loved more than anyone in the universe – His only-begotten Son – to become a member of our human race and suffer humiliation, torture, and the cruelest of deaths in order to save us all. He would allow His Son to leave the bliss of heaven and come to this sin-ravaged planet in our weak flesh, to be pummeled by the fiercest attacks the enemy could muster in his attempt to cause Him to sin. In the closing scenes of His Son’s earthly life, when He would need them the most, every friend He had would betray Him. And in the climax of His agony on the cross, the presence of His beloved Father, whom He had never been apart from for a moment of His existence, would be withdrawn from Him, that He should bear the full weight of the natural consequence of sin—complete separation from God—for us all. The Father foresaw all of this, but God and His Son wanted to create mankind so badly, that having counted the cost they said, “It’s worth it.”

As the girls dried their eyes and the boys pretended they had allergies, the pastor got up and delivered a short message – to which I was oblivious. My thoughts were completely consumed as I tried to make sense of the motivation behind God’s sacrifice. Why would He do it? When the pastor finished speaking, a young man stood up unannounced and picked up a guitar. He approached the microphone and explained that God was impressing him to play a song that someone in the room needed to hear. He asked everyone to stand and join him, as most people knew the song. I had never heard of it before. He began and everyone soon joined in. The song described a God who is jealous for us, who extends grace and mercy so plentiful that we could never quantify them, and feels a love toward us deeper than we can comprehend. God spoke directly to my heart, and I felt that it might burst right there in my chest. He told me the reason why He’d given His only-begotten Son—so that He could adopt me as His daughter. In that moment I saw the true love of God clearly for the first time, and I couldn’t bear the thought of Him sending Jesus to die for me. I’d been sitting on the fence for so long—professing Christianity but failing to love God, others, or myself the way I should. A Father who loved me that much deserved so much more.

The tears were streaming uncontrollably at this point, so I ducked out to find a bathroom where I could compose myself. After wiping off all the smeared eye makeup, I looked up and locked eyes with the girl in the mirror. For the first time I saw a precious daughter of the King of the Universe; one who deserved infinitely more love than I’d been showing her—not because of anything she had or hadn’t done, but because the value of something is determined by the price someone is willing to pay for it, and God had given His only-begotten Son for her. I finally saw her through His eyes, and a tidal wave of peace and acceptance flooded my heart. God opened my eyes to the infinite value of a single soul—not only of my own, but of every human being. He impressed strongly on my mind that even if I’d been the only fallen human on this earth, He still would’ve sent Jesus to save me, and the same is true for every individual.

And so, on that day, I completely surrendered my life to God. How could I not, after what He’d gone through to adopt me? Suddenly I felt that that day of family reunion couldn’t come fast enough. But He’d given me a new heart, and that heart longed to have even more time on this earth to share this message of God’s love with as many as I could possibly reach. I had no idea how to do it, but my humble prayer became simply for Him to teach me, and use me, in whatever way He could.

For a while I grappled with why it had taken me so long to come to understand my worth in God’s eyes. I realized that while I’d never doubted His existence, my desire to know Him more deeply had always been met with confusion and shrouded in mystery by human theories and speculations. I wanted to be baptized as soon as possible, but if I was going to dedicate my life to teaching others about God, I needed to know Him aright. I loved Him and His Son too much to blindly accept any ideas that may be contrary to His Word. So I committed to studying the Bible from cover to cover, and prayed that God would remove all preconceived ideas or biases from my mind. I begged every day that He’d send His Spirit to give me wisdom in discerning the truths of His word, and set me free from any confusion the enemy had used to keep me at arms-length from my heavenly Father for so many years.

 

It’s been almost six years since then, and every new day with Jesus by my side is better than the last. The sole desire of my life is to help others find the peace, joy, and freedom that comes with understanding the depth of the love God has for them. I’ve seen God’s promise fulfilled in my own life, and it is just as sure for every person willing to open their hearts to Him, that “you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32)

 

“But why would He do it?”

“It’s really very simple…

Love.”

(The Case for Christ, 2017)

 

“Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! …” I John 3:1

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” John 3:16-17